DO NOT TAUNT THE CHEF Apron

What do you get when you teach an octopus to cook? A chef that can slap you silly while mincing, sautéing and stirring all at once. For those of us who like to cook but don’t have the extra appendages, maybe this apron will do the trick. 

This logo is hand painted using fabric-permanent paints (the apron in these photos has already been washed and shows no flaking or fading). The apron itself measures 32” wide and 36” long and is 100% cotton and stain resistant. It’s fully adjustable and sports a nifty double pocket on the front.  

Each item is made to order and costs just $25. If you want to use your own apron the cost is just $10!

Samwise of SpamCakes: Sock Monster, Thrill Seeker

Samwise of SpamCakes is a peculiar sock monster indeed. Rocking a classic argyle pattern and sporting somewhat creepy button eyes, it’s unclear if you should love him or hate him. Let’s go with love, because otherwise you won’t buy him. (Face it, the only people who you hate yet still spend money on are relatives.)

Made from a [clean] pair of novelty socks and stitched entirely by hand using a strong crochet thread, a lot of time and patience has gone into making this little guy. Now, after all that hard work, he spends his days trying to avoid the boredoms of everyday life. He longs for excitement and adventure. Honestly, the company of Jekyll and these other sock monsters aren't doing it for him. You can see the disappointment in his face. 

 

Dear Sam would like to come and live with you. He’s already housebroken and gets along well with cats. We haven’t tested him with dogs, but that’s primarily for his own safety. Adopt him today for just $10!

Puffy Pig Plushies

Puffy pig, puffy pig, let me come in.

These little pigs are two thirds of a trio I made for the daughter of a friend (the first one escaped with her before I got a picture). She picked the colors, I made the pigs. Each one measures 3.5" long and 2.5" tall.

At just $4 per pig, you too can have your own little farm of felt pork chops.

Western Blot Coasters

Anyone who thinks that science always works when you follow protocol obviously doesn't do science. These coasters are proof of this fact.

Made from the discarded blue films of Western blots gone wrong, these coasters are 4" in diameter, backed with sanded cork and sealed with a generous coating of epoxy. No two are the same, though all have brought equal shame to their creators.

Whatever the failure, each set of 4 is just $6.

Jackalope Painting: 5"x6"

The jackalope. Fact or fiction?  

I personally prefer the theory that they are a cross between an extinct species of pygmy deer and an elusive species of killer rabbits (which were probably engineered by the government and accidently set loose on the unsuspecting public... Night of the Lepus, anyone?).

Whatever your preference, this is an awesome little work of art. Painted with black and gray acrylics on a reclaimed lumber, this piece measures roughly 5”x6” and is ready for hanging. 

Bring home this adorable little guy for $10.

Apple Dog Cookies

Okay people, it's time for more dog treats. And judging by our dogs' pestering once these came out of the oven, this recipe is a winner!

These whole wheat cookies are sweetened with apple sauce and perfected with chunks of fresh apple. Low fat, low sugar and tons of deliciousness. One batch makes ~50 cookies (I've finally invested in a cookie dough scoop to help me from going crazy... and to make cake pops!). For just $7.00, you can be your canine's hero.

Decapitated Fish & Bird Toys: Mr. Fish & Ms. Bird

Satisfy your feline's urge to inflict carnage without all those gross blood and guts getting on your carpet. Oh, and no one has to die.

These are Mr. Fish and Ms. Bird, more unfortunate felt creatures whose sole purpose is to entertain your cat. The soft fabric and string "guts" provide texture and flair. A small sprinkle of catnip within their heads provides that high your kitty friend is jonesing for.

Fiona decided it was her turn to check out these play things.

At just $1 each, you could buy your feline a plate full of mangled victims. Which will come in handy when she starts hoarding them under the fridge, behind the bed and in your shoes. Besides, having just decapitated Mr. Mouse heads strewn across your home will look so boring.

Decapitated Mouse Toy: Mr. Mouse

Satisfy your feline's urge to inflict carnage without all those gross blood and guts getting on your carpet. Oh, and no one has to die.

This is Mr. Mouse, an unfortunate felt creature whose sole purpose is to entertain your cat. The soft fabric and string "guts" provide texture and flair. A small sprinkle of catnip within the mouse head provides that high your kitty friend is jonesing for.

Jinx was more than willing to check out this new critter.

Even Oz wanted a peek. Unfortunately he also wanted a taste.

At just $1 each, you could buy your feline a plate full of mangled Mr. Mouses. Which will come in handy when she starts hoarding them under the fridge, behind the bed and in your shoes.

The Breakfast Club Magnets

They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and these three amigos would definitely agree.

Mr. Bacon, Mr. Egg and Miss Toast are pint-sized (~2" tall) polymer clay magnets that will greet you with a smile every morning. So raise a glass of orange juice and toast to deliciousness.

Mix and match them any way you please for just $2 each!

Fall Clearance

The weather is getting cooler and my craft room has become crowded. I've slashed the prices on my finished knit items, as well as coasters, trivets and other items that I've finished but are still sitting on the shelf waiting for a home. Take a look and see if there's something you like. Remember, the holidays are just a few months away!

COASTERS:
Teal Floral Coasters $8 $4 (pictured)
Chinese Dragon Coasters $12 $6 (set of 6, pictured)
French Letter Coasters $8 $4 (pictured)

KNIT ITEMS:
Ruffled Wrist Warmers: $15 $5 (pictured set, gray)
Twisted Lace Wrist Warmers: $15 $5 (pictured set, brown)
Rainbow Wrist Warmers: $15 $5 (pictured set, ROYGBV)
Skinny Black Scarf: $10 $5 (pictured)
Wide Waffle Scarf: $15 $7.50 (pictured, pink/cream/brown)
Baby Leg Warmers: $15 $5 (pictured, pink/green/brown)
Green Fuzzy Scarf: $8 $4 (pictured)
Wine Bottle Cover: $5 $2.50 (pictured)
Wild and Crazy Cowl!  $20 $10 (pictured)
Twisted Knit Scarf  $15 $7.50 (pictured)

TILE ITEMS:
Tile Trivets, Tan Stone $3 $1.50 (2 available)
Wordy Tile Trivets $3 $1.50 (3 available, pictured)

GLASS ITEMS:
"Drink Me" Tea Cup: $3 $1 (1 available)
"Shot" Shot Glass: $2 $1 (1 available)
Margarita Glass Candle Holder  $3 $1 (1 available)
"Stained Glass" Wine Glass $2.50 $1 (1 available)
Recycled Sari Yarn Vases  $5 $3 (2 available, pictured)
ALL WORK AND NO COFFEE MAKES JACK A DANGEROUS EMPLOYEE mug $1 $.50 (pictured)

FRAMES:
Paper and Ribbon Picture Frame $6 $3 (pictured)

SEWN ITEMS:
Super Fat Felty Kitty Magnets $2 $1 (pictured)
Mr. Wobbles, Mega-Cuddle Plush $5 $3 (pictured)
Ralf Clones (Promote a higher plane of existence!) $10 $5 (pictured)
Mr. Wobbles, the friendly monster magnet  $1.50 $1 (pictured)


MISC:
Utensil Monsters $2.50 $1 (one of each available, pictured)

Script Print Decoupage Vases

This once-Plain Jane glass vase (standard 7" tall) now makes a stunning display piece. The delicate script is printed on thin tissue paper, which is then carefully adhered to the glass before being coated with epoxy and sealed in acrylic.

This vase was done in pink but other pieces can be done in nearly any color. Display them in your own home or give someone flowers with a more personal touch. Since the glass interior is free of acrylic and epoxy, you can even use them as hurricanes for candles.

Each vase is just $5!

Upcycled Vinyl Record Bowls

Technological progress has left us with a long list of obsolete items that have gone the way of the dinosaurs.  VHS beat out Betamax only to be killed off by DVD. Now DVD is getting a taste of its own medicine with the introduction of Blu-ray. But don’t worry, Blu-ray will get what’s coming now that we’re moving into a future completely devoid of tangible media products. Running the same gamut of natural selection, eight-tracks gave way to cassettes that later gave way to compact discs.  

Among all these fallen technologies, one old dinosaur remains: VINYL! Unfortunately, like most dinosaurs, the vinyl records we come across today aren’t always well preserved. But just because they can’t serve their original purpose doesn’t mean that they should be abandoned!

For example, take these two records. Once upon a time they were bringing back the sounds of the Big Band Era. Mortally wounded in a spat with the turntable needle, they now live peaceful lives as display bowls. Keys, wallets, loose change, ripening fruit. They can handle it all, no problem.

Save the dinosaurs by adopting one today for just $3.

Knit Bag of Holding

Recently my dear husband asked me to make him a dice bag for his Sunday games. This is what he got (and he's very happy with it, and not just because he has to be).

Made from worsted weight yarn (in the color of your choice), this medium-sized bag measures roughly 6" in diameter and 6" tall. My biggest concern was being able to fit your entire hand in the bag with enough room to search around for that elusive d20. The bottom of the bag is done in a seed stitch to make it more stiff and durable while the body is done in stockinette stitch to allow for more stretchiness. The lettering was chosen by my husband but I could embroider a different design upon request.

Each fantabulous bag of holding is a mere $8! Make your gaming friends green with envy!

Fabric Puff Flowers (Round 1: Orange, Blue and Green)

These flowers are just adorable. The first batch I made was for my Granny, who will be using some as magnets and others as pin cushions for her needlework.

These flowers represent the current fabrics I have in stock, but they can honestly be made with any color or pattern. They look equally cute with and without buttons (though all of these have them). Make them into magnets. Make them into hair bands or barrettes. Make them into broaches or buttons.

The larger size pictured is 2" in diameter and the smaller size is about 1.25" in diameter, but they can be made in any size. These typically run $6-8 each on Etsy. Through Lord Ozwald's Curious Goods, these pretty posies are just $2 a piece!

Mr. Wobbles, Mega-Cuddle Plush

Monsters can serve purposes other than serving as a refrigerator magnet. They can be your friend, your ally, your partner in crime. Mr. Wobbles is there to cheer you up when you are down. He’s there to terrorize your co-workers when they lay a last minute project on you. He’s there to confirm your alibi when those previously mentioned co-workers go missing. 

 My Mr. Wobbles is especially good at protecting my tea from the devious felines residing in our home. 

Carefully stitched and embroidered by hand, this cuddle-size felt monster is just $5. He can be made in the color of your choice for no extra charge.